by simon baird

Thursday, May 22, 2008

local people

It's this morning. I've ordered a coffee at a cafe at Parkside, one of my local mini-shopping centre. I've just bought a ham and cheese bread thing from Brumbies which I plan to eat for breakfast. Coffee arrives.

Sow face: Oh. Oh you can't eat that here. You'll have to take that outside.

Me: Really? I'm your customer. I've just paid $3.20 for a coffee. Could I just put the bag away? [it has Brumbies logo on the paper bag]

Sow face: Look you can't eat that here. People will think you can sit here and eat that here.

I'm a little cranky. It's early. I'm hungry. I haven't had any coffee. The cafe isn't empty but there are many free tables. My coffee is in a proper cup so take-away isn't an option. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with this woman who I'm starting to think doesn't like me. Perhaps my hair is too long and I look like trouble in my motorcycle jacket...

Me: Are you SURE? Because I will probably NEVER come here AGAIN.

It's starts getting weird here. I can't remember what was said next. "Trouble? We'll have no trouble here.." kind of thing. So eventually I glance my coffee, take a deep breath and agree that I will put my food away in my bag and eat it later. The coffee was really good, damn it.

Ps, I can't believe I've been putting sugar in coffee for so many years. It took a couple of months to wean off. But it was so worth it. Sugar in coffee is like sugar in tea. It's wrong. You fools! Once I was like you! Say no to sugar! Enjoy the flavour!! Thank me later!!!

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